My confidence definitely got a thorough shaking this week. Don't know who I'm more disappointed in...the person for their actions, or the fact that I allow myself to continue to be hurt by them. Well actually...that's not true, I know exactly who I'm more disappointed in.
I've come a long way. I don't want to go backwards for anyone or anything. There are no more excuses as to not rising to my potential every single day. I pray every morning that the past keeps it's distance from today. Because I am not who I was a month ago, or a year ago. I only want to elevate.
"Doing your best in this moment puts you in the best place for the next moment."
Bring it on.
I also believe that anyone is as happy as they make up their mind to be. I've missed too many opportunities to let better into my life because I've been busy holding onto things that don't bring out the best in me. The past has continually clouded my present...until now.
This summer is all about change...mentally, physically, spiritually, musically. It's all about being fearless and leaping anyway. It's about believing in the unseen.
It's so unbelievably cliche, but over the last couple of months, I truly am beginning to see that everything happens for a reason. I can kick & scream and try to make something what it's not, or I can accept that it's all part of the "greater plan". God knows exactly what He's doing, even if I don't. I just have to trust.
Trust has NEVER been an easy thing for me. (Have you heard my songs? Ha) But now is the time more than ever to let it go. I'm trusting in myself and believing in myself for the first time in years. I'm trusting that God will take care of me & help me find out who is deserving of being here for me while I'm on this journey. And that He will assist me in forgiving but removing from my life those who are not.
Friday, June 8, 2012
I've been waking up to this lately... It's been a refreshing change of pace for me. Waking up before 6AM. Seeing the sun rise. Going to the park in downtown Nashville for bootcamp classes. Feeling energized and invigorated enough after my relentless workout to accomplish errands, emails, house chores, etc. and be completed by 10AM. Only to find that I have the day to make it what I want it to be. I'm taking my sweet time to sync my mind, body, and heart for the first time in years. I've been playing the guitar and writing a lot these days. Apparently, I've had a lot to say because I'm finding a lot to write about. Slowly but surely, I'm finding myself feeling the need/desire/urge to just hibernate upstairs and pick up the guitar. I haven't felt like that in a long long time. And once I sit down and start jotting down a line, it seems like more and more lines are following. There is no appointment. There is no cowriter. There is no writing room or lunch break. It's just me, saying whatever the hell comes to mind whenever the hell I feel it. It's very empowering ;) This week is CMA Fest and though I've done a couple short performances, it's nothing compared to what I've done each year for the last 5 years. I knew that it was an emotional and physical responsibility that I wasn't prepared for this year. There was too much going on in my world, too many uncertainities and things I just couldn't wrap my head around. Luckily, things are fallen into place better than I anticipated and I feel like I'm finally getting my footing back for the first time in awhile. Unfortunately, that happened a little too late to make anything really happy for this year's CMA Fest. However strange and somewhat heart-aching it is to not be participating more this year, it just completely and utterly confirms that I am COMMITTED 1000% to being back, bigger & bolder than ever in 2013! New CD, new merch, new tour...and I will be ready to conquer! I'm very excited <3