it takes two.

I sat on a big green couch the other day and filled a good friend of mine in on some recent stresses/dramas/fires that needed to put out...I spoke for what seemed like forever, getting myself heated over the whole thing all over again. I finished with, "I don't know why I do this to myself...what do you think?"

She simply replied, "It takes two, Rachel."

Nothing profound there. We've all heard it a million times. So I don't know why, on this particular Sunday night, it suddenly resonates. It takes two... It takes two to make any relationship work. Whether it's referring to a boy, a friend, a sister, etc it requires two parties trying to make the effort, compromising, communicating, relearning what they think they know. Relationships fall apart when one is giving far more than the other. I can certainly attest to that.

It also takes two to perpetuate drama.
True story.

I can blame whomever I want for whatever I want to, but the fact of the matter is... I still participate. I still respond. I even instigate it every now & again. And for what? I always know the outcome. No one wins. It's just an addiction...an addiction to drama.

No one can make you miserable unless you let them in close enough to allow it.

Instead of putting oneself out there and then regretting it/beating your head against that exact same wall immediately after, learn how to walk in the other direction. And quickly. It's a complete re-training of everything I know... but sweet baby Jesus, I know it'll be worth it.

No more recycling.

Me: He can't "Hey you" me!
Friend: No, he definitely can't "Hey you" you.

Why is it that guys think they can text you, completely out of the blue, and it always starts with "Hey you.." Trust me, I've been around the block, I'm experienced in the game. If you're texting me randomly after being totally okay no communication for however long, one of 3 things is happening...1) You're drunk 2) You haven't been laid in awhile 3) Your girlfriend and you just broke up.

You can't play a player, fellas.

Contradictory to what many may say/think...Boyfriends/boy toys (whatever he was) are not recyclable. Please let me testify to that fact until I have no voice to preach on.

I read a great book years ago when me and my ex were "trying to make it work" for the 29th time. The book was called...
It's Called A Break Up Because It's Broken. Brilliant, right?

Now if only it were that simple...

But the facts are the facts.
All those reasons you broke up, that you were unhappy, you wrote him a novel via text & then turned off your phone, that you slept in separate rooms because you thought you might kill him if he was within reach...9 times out of 10, those reasons still ring true this very moment. No matter what text messages he may send you, how he may plead, how you may romanticize about "the good times"...those "good times" obviously didn't keep you afloat in your relationship. Therefore, they aren't going to keep your head above water now. And let's just say, if he really loved you, he'd be stepping up and proving it. Nothing in the world is worth fighting for more than love. And TEXTING IT isn't proving jackshit. Just so we're clear.

Obviously, I'm on my soapbox for a reason...some friends that just won't listen to any advice. Particular family members who drive me crazy with their on and off again-ness. And ultimately, myself...because I too fall victim to this "let's beat a dead horse" cycle.

Another resolution for 2012.
No more recycling.

own it.

I only blog when it's late and I should be in bed reading my gossip magazine. I certainly shouldn't be online, contemplating life, and blogging about it. But then again, when have I ever done anything that I'm "supposed" to do..?

Time to start owning things. Taking responsibility for what I do and where I'm headed.
It's that age-old philosophy of "Only you can control your happiness" or something like that. It's cliche, and it sounds pretty damn generic. If you're anything like me, I need specifics...how do I control it? Where do I turn this ship? Is it going to be hard? What exactly do I have to give up? Can't I just pawn this off on someone else?

Um, wake up call Rachel.
You've been pawning it off on everyone else.
And look where it's gotten you...

Dun Dun Dun

January has been a confusing month in some ways (love/relationships...things I'll probably never get right even if God himself delivers Mr. Right to my door), however, there's also a lot to be excited for. I'm excited to get into the studio and finish up my EP. I'm excited for the photo shoot. I'm excited to assemble the new band and completely gut/renovate/re-work my show in every way. I'm excited for all the meetings and advice/suggestions being thrown my way. I'm absorbing it like a sponge. I'm excited for all the co-writes coming up in the next couple weeks with people I highly respect and much to my stupidity, haven't written with in far too long. I'm excited to make music "full time" again, and this time, fully commit.

Own it.

Own my dreams, my goals...and don't make bullshit excuses as to why it's not happening. Own my plans, my motivation and follow through. Own my feelings and don't let them drive me crazy. Own my opinions and expectations and don't settle for anything less, don't back down if it's worth the fight. Own my mistakes...acknowledge when I'm stupid, learn what I need to learn, and try hard as hell not to repeat these moments of utter stupidity again.

Smell what I'm stepping in? Good ;)

Insanity at it's finest.

Here's the thing.
I apparently don't know how to "stay on my best behavior". I can barely comprehend what that statement even means. Should I interpret as I should be running as far as humanly possible away from the drama? Because if so, I seem to run straight into the fire each and every time. Without fail. Don't know what attracts me to the flame, but it's there. And it's irritating. Especially in this last week.

I should know better, but evidently, I still don't.
Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not out there Lindsay Lohan-ing it up by any means or anything like that. It's just certain situations, certain conversations, certain individuals that will remind me every now and then how far I haven't quite come yet. And unfortunately, several of these conversations/individuals have decided to pop up within my first week of 2012.

So ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the confessions of an attention-whore. This addiction will get you each and every time and it's rarely ever worth it. There are so many more important things in this world than making sure you always have something to do, somewhere to go, someone constantly entertaining you, boys chasing you 24/7.

Now, what all those other "things" are, I have yet to know...but I'm committing myself to the task of finding out.