Tuesday, November 13, 2012

The mustard seed.

 Matthew 17:20
He replied, “Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”

One of my earliest childhood memories is snuggling up to my mom and playing with her necklace that had a mustard seed charm, asking her what it was for.  

I am proud to say that I've been wearing a replica of that same mustard seed necklace everyday, without fail, for the last month.

I can't possibly put to words all of the life-altering events that have taken place over the last month...because anything I say would not do justice to what has happened and the profound effect it's had on me for every step forward from here.  A few things I can tell you....

-My mother is an incredible, beautiful, nurturing soul that will never be given enough credit.  They say "you never know what you have til it's gone"...well, the same can be said when the thought of what you have is threatened.  I am so thankful for a mother who is selfless when it comes to her children and who taught all 4 of us kids to love with a heart as big and open as anyone.  And although it's caused some of us heartbreak along the way when trusting it to the wrong people, she helped me see that it is/was never a mistake to love someone with all you have.  She has been supportive of my dreams from Day 1 and is still championing for me just as enthusiastically all these years later.  Last week's surgery/transplant was my first REAL opportunity to show the love and support back to her.  And I'm so praying-on-my-knees grateful that God let her come through it with flying colors.

-My brother could quite possibly be THE most inspiring man in my life (tying with my father, of course).  Watching him through the whole experience of this kidney transplant has been unlike anything I've ever seen...he never even flinched, never a shadow of a doubt in his mind.  We'll never be able to express our appreciation enough for what he gave for our mother and our family.  He truly is a hero...and although he knew it was a no-brainer, and all of us kids would have went up to bat and gladly given a kidney ourselves...he's the one who did.  And he too came out on the other side resilient and loyal as ever to the cause.  And for that, no man will ever succeed in my world without my brother's 110% approval ;)

-I raised $17,000 for my new record.  I still don't think that I've absorbed that fact yet.  I've been so worried/stressed/focused on my family stuff that I really never took a moment to celebrate or relish in the fact that I reached this goal...this goal that a few weeks ago, seemed completely unattainable.  I don't know how it happened but I'm so thankful that it did.  I will never be able to express my gratitude to everyone who donated and supported this project.  The words of encouragement and outpouring of love throughout the last month has been something that I've never experienced before.  I'm so happy to have this outlet to express how I feel and what I've been through in form of music and to have people so enthusiastically ready to listen and love it.  God truly has given me an opportunity and I don't plan on wasting it.  

-I lost my dog, Delaney last night.  Quite possibly one of the top 2 most terrifying experiences of my life.  Six hours in the freezing cold, yelling for my dog...sobbing and snotting all over myself, wondering how in the world my dog could be so out of reach when only left outside for 3 minutes on one of her daily "potty breaks" in the front yard...  It was a complete drain of emotions and energy...and it left me hopeless and exhausted in every sense of the word.  Luckily, the story has a happy ending.  But again, it brought some much needed perspective to my world...imagining my life without Delaney was crippling.  The thought of leaving Deliah without her sister was just as bad.  The moment I lost her, I ran upstairs and put on my mustard seed necklace and prayed every minute of those 6 hours for her safe return.  And I got it.  ;)

If this entry seems like a rollercoaster of emotion..that's because it is.  Which is always my life.  Which is why I was born to write songs...and sing the living hell out of them <3



1 comment:

  1. Wow, so happy you found Delaney! We "lost" our beloved dog for a couple of hours this year and it was a gut wrenching experience. Prayers and positive thoughts for your Mother's full recovery. Can't wait to hear your new CD!!