Thursday, January 24, 2013
I truly believe that every individual hits a crossroads at a monumental point in their lives.
As unnecessary and exhaustingly inconvenient as it seems in the moment, the decision you make will determine not only the path you take but depending on the shoes you're wearing in the moment...just how sore your feet will be once you walk down that road long enough.
And maybe it's true...once you start believing you're worthy of better, you finally start getting it.
I am constantly learning with each and every step.
I'm learning about myself. My unapologetic nature for every joke/opinion/wild story (which those are endless) & every leap I take, as predetermined or reckless as it is...but also, I'm learning more about my redundant weaknesses in matters of the heart. And as frustrated as I am with myself, I'm slowly but surely strengthening this spirit of mine ;)
I am learning about other people and how inexplicably unfair it is for someone to hurt you so deeply when you would never dare go there yourself. Fact of the matter is, we don't have to understand it/rationalize/justify it. There is no talk for "closure" where an explanation is delivered along with an apology. Moving on/letting go/forgiving has everything to do with ME, not them. The sooner I accept this truth, the happier I will be.
The last couple months have been a whirlwind. I've had a good friend, a young heart that was full of life completely vanish from this world over the holidays. I've had a 2 year old live in my house, sleeping beside me every night for 2 weeks and open my eyes to "bigger picture" view, wide-eyed and optimistic, untainted by disappointment or broken hearts. I've also made myself sick over certain individuals so unworthy of my time and energy that I kick myself in the ass for letting them hurt me just as much as curse their names.
Then I have this record. This record that will be such a complete release of everything that I have lived through in the last year. I cannot even begin to tell you what will be unleashed because I'm still finding out myself. But I'm so stupid grateful for this opportunity to share my struggles & insecurities as well as my bottomless list of things I wish for this life and what I know myself to be capable of.
I'm letting go of the baggage and walking forward into 2013 with nothing but the bare essentials...a song and a healing heart. The road already looks brighter <3